A former Model, Dated an Athlete, the Fast Life, but God said..

            I was raised very well. My parents taught me good morals and the importance of being a lady so I took that very seriously growing up. All of my childhood and through my high school years, being under their wings, I was taken care of in that regards. I stood firm on who I was and barely let anyone tell me otherwise.. but then I graduated high school and college came.

            I began modeling in college after being approached by a photographer (at the age of 17 my freshman year) that told me that I had what it took to make it as a model, so I listened. In addition to that, I joined a modeling organization that exposed me to other models where I learned how to “perfect my craft” and gain confidence with this new hobby that I picked up. I started taking this modeling thing very seriously when I realized that I could be paid for something so easy and that’s when my life took a turn.

Modeling turned me into a different person. I began hanging with a group of women that taught me that being vein and materialistic was the way of life. We were clubbing, in VIPs, loved nice cars and were around anything that shined. If you weren’t pretty enough, you couldn’t hang with us. If you were a man without some sort of status (athletes, entrepreneur, etc.) you weren’t good enough. This mindset molded me into a very mean, vein, selfish and materialistic person, all while I was getting deeper into my modeling career.

Casting calls were a big part of my life. I did sexy bikini calendars, sexy music videos, lingerie runway shows and more. If it made me money, I’d do it. Although I never took it as far as sex (and I thank the good Lord for that), I was taught that my body was my weapon, I can get whatever I want in this world with it, as long as I used it right. Sex sells, sex sells, sex sells, so go get sexy so you can get that money and attention that honestly, we all yearned for (whether consciously or subconsciously).

            Eventually, a little after graduating college, I decided to quit modeling to start a real career because I started feeling like something wasn’t right, I needed to stop this if I wanted a real career, HOWEVER, because I started my adult life the way I mentioned above, I truly thought that the mentality that I had was right so I still had to have the pretty friends, money, nice car, men with money etc. and there was no compromising. That’s what the world teaches us right?  I was what you would consider the modern day “mean girl”. I had MY wants, so I was granted my wish and was introduced to the man that I wanted with the nice car, his own place, ex player of the league making good money and he was an entrepreneur. In addition, I had a nice car, great job, the pretty friends, my own place, etc.. BUT I was still unhappy. I couldn’t understand it. I had all that I wanted so why am I not happy? I started feeling like something wasn’t right when I realized that I was in a relationship with the exact person that I THOUGHT I needed yet I was still unhappy.

So I switched it up a bit and started conforming to his lifestyle which is honestly what the world showcases as fun! I started going to strip clubs with him.. very often, I started smoking weed a lot with him, going out all the time to the point that I would go to work late because the lifestyle that I had gotten accustomed to. I wanted this life of sex, money and drugs so I can keep this man and live what the world says is “living the dream” but my solutions were not working. I would be happy in the moment but then, I’d go home or when alone, something wasn’t right; I was in love with temporary highs.  I even went as far as hiring a personal psychic because I yearned to be happy. In my mind, the celebrities do it so it has to work, they will know exactly what I need to do to get and stay happy, but I was wrong.

During this time, I went to church every now and then however, it wasn’t a part of my life but because of what I was going through, I decided to fast. I didn’t really understand what fasting meant but I told myself I’m going to do it with hopes that God would show up and clear some things up for me. I spoke to the Lord and told Him that He needed to answer several questions for me by the end of the fast or else I am going back to the same lifestyle (the nerve, lol). I told Him if He answers my questions for me, I will change my life for Him and give Him the glory; I had roughly about 10-12 questions written down and placed in my bible. No one knew these questions but me.

After a 30 day fast, what I thought was the unexplainable at the time happened!  On the Sunday that my fast was over, I went to church and ALL of the questions were answered by a Pastor. She randomly called me to the front of the church, by myself and started speaking to me.. for God. She literally answered every single question that I had written down (I had never met this lady in my life). I was amazed and beyond emotional when this happened. I knew I heard that God was amazing but I never understood to what extent.

Ever since that day, which was about 3 years ago, I dedicated my life to the Lord.. like forreal forreal!! I do not play about the awesome God lol. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend right after the fast, got baptized and let go of all of my old friends that I felt weren’t going to be good for me during this change in my life. I literally started my Christian walk with no-one but my sister who had been praying for this moment for years. The beginning of my walk was difficult but worth it.

Fast forward to today, I found my church home, made a great group of friends that the Lord blessed me with and I recently got married to an amazing, Christian, God given man! My husband and I did it Gods way, no sex nor kissing until we were married. I found my purpose which helped me start a ministry where I am teaching women about the Lord and the importance of valuing themselves through the Lord verses what the world portrays to be right. I have a YouTube channel that I use to communicate with my loves as well! Since I turned to God, I learned what happiness is! My entire life changed.. money, cars, sex, showing off my body and all of that MEANS NOTHING! They are temporary highs that get people nowhere. Nothing can ever compare to the everlasting love, self value and happiness that I gained through loving and dedicating my life to the Lord. It’s the best feeling and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

@thatllbenatalie

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