When I was younger, I always knew that God was real but I just didn't take Him serious at all. I would only go to church if I was forced to or if there was a special holiday. I also thought praying was stupid and pointless. I just didn't like people preaching or talking about God around me because I thought they were "doing the most."
It all started when I was 19. I was around friends that smoked weed, loved alcohol, and parties. You really have to be careful with who you hang around because YOU WILL take their habits. So eventually I was ADDICTED to that lifestyle. The only things I cared about was sex, weed, alcohol and parties! I didn't care about nothing at all, especially my family. I always had to stay at a friend's house for weeks or months because my parents couldn't take me coming in the house at 4 or 5am. I knew I was breaking my family's heart because of the way I was changing but I just didn't care at all.... I WAS EXTREMELY RUTHLESS. I also hated everyone and I had a very bad attitude problem. I didn't want to change the lifestyle I was in because it was just so fun but that is what my FLESH wanted.
As the years passed by, I just got very worse. I couldn't go a day without smoking weed. It was my life! I smoked about 2 or 3 times a day all week. I would come home and try my hardest to not act high but my mom always smelt it on me and get upset. She always told me to stop but the only thing I was thinking was "UMMM I AM GROWN" so nah. Smoking weed made me lazy and careless. It was just so hard to stop!!! Even if I wanted to try to stop, I will always have a friend asking "you wanna smoke tonight?" I JUST COULD NOT SAY NO.
Then I was addicted to sex. I thought about it all day. I watched porn and knew about all of the porn websites. I started dating this guy for 3 and half years and I swear I thought I was in love.... I was in LUST. I was very naive and deceived in that relationship. Also being in that relationship made me physically, emotionally, and mentally damaged. I completely changed after it ended and it just made me a horrible woman. After a breakup it is not healthy to see other men to get your ex off your mind or to drink alcohol etc etc, YOU SHOULD RUN TO GOD. He would bring you comfort and peace. But I didn't know that so I did the complete opposite. I partied harder, went to the club about 3 times a week, smoked way more and then became addicted to alcohol. I LOVED DRINKING. Hennessy was my BEST FRIEND! I felt as if it made my problems go away and made me feel numb but it was just temporary. *cough cough* BUT JESUS IS ETERNAL. It was normal for me to go to a party and be really drunk when it didn't even start yet. I was always the wild one at the parties and I just didn't care at all!!!!
Out of no where I will end up crying every single night because I was just overly stressed and depressed. I just felt dark like I didn't have a heart. Since of my lifestyle I stayed away from my family and didn't keep in contact with them because I didn't want to hear what they had to say. I was always smiling but deep down I was not happy with myself... I actually hated myself with a passion. Every time I looked in the mirror, all I saw was sadness and ended up crying. But then there was this one night that I cried so hard I couldn't breathe and finally I opened my mouth and screamed "GOD PLEASE!!!! PLEASE HELP ME GOD PLEASE PLEASE IM TIRED!!" I was just so tired of living in sin!! I couldn't take it anymore because I felt like I was dying inside and all I was thinking was DEATH DEATH DEATH. Weed couldn't help me anymore, parties made me feel more depressed, alcohol always made me feel angry & sex made me feel like I was being used. So I yelled out for God to please take me and help me! I repented all of my sins and asked for His forgiveness. And let me tell you something... GOD IS ONE LOVING AND FORGIVING GOD!!! It doesn't matter what you did in your past, HE WILL STILL TAKE YOU IN AFTER YOU REPENT!
After Jesus made me give up the weed, sex and alcohol my life became PEACEFUL. He changed my life DRASTICALLY!!!!! I was so used to being depressed and crying every night but now I cry TEARS OF JOY. God renewed my soul, my heart and my mind!!! Now I'm addicted to JESUS!! He is my best friend! I finally know what true love is because of Him! Being a Christian is just so much better than living the sinful life because there is ALWAYS a consequence when you commit a sin. But living Godly, there's blessings after blessings!!! Don't ignore God when He is trying to help you because all He wants you to do is live a HAPPY LIFE.
I finally got baptized!! PRAISE GOD!! IT WAS THE BEST DAY EVER!! I go to church every Sunday and bible studies, I'm praying more, reading scriptures everyday and I go to any event that has to deal with God. I'm just so hungry for God it's crazy!!! He saved me because I know I have a purpose and SO DO YOU! Jesus is a true DELIVER! My favorite scripture is 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! I find that so beautiful to me because even though we don't deserve God's love after we ignore Him and sin, He still loves us and is willing to make us BRAND NEW. He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west, He isn't worried about what you did in the past... HE IS FOCUSED ON YOUR FUTURE. So please if you're struggling with life or not happy with yourself, bring it all to God. He is a PROVIDER. He will give you true joy like never before. You just have to believe and keep your faith strong!! GOD WILL ALWAYS MAKE A WAY!