Army Soldier "I tried committing Suicide, but God..."

"I tried committing Suicide, but God..."

My name is Maurice Wisdom Bishop and I am 28 years old currently serving in the U.S. Army, this is my story.

I was deployed in Iraq for 13 months and while I was there, a soldier in my unit shot himself with an M-16 and the 5.56mm round hit him in the quadrum of his heart and he died. I felt so much guilt because I was one of the soldiers who made fun of him and I blamed myself, I was very affected and hid my emotions inside.
After my 13 month deployment my former child's mother called me unexpectedly after 6 months of not calling me on Skype nor emailing me and told me my 1 year old son died, she never even told me about the funeral. I became angry and my heart grew cold and hard. I started having nightmares from my deployment and of my dead son, I could not sleep so I started smoking endlessly, drinking an overwhelming amounts of beer, brown liquor and wine just to go to sleep. That night I started was the night I became an alcoholic. I became reckless and violent and emotionally I couldn't function so the relationships I was in would always fail, I was also married and that ended up in a bad divorce. I didn't communicate with my family because I felt like they couldn't help me and I didn't get along with them, the feeling of being alone brought me to the edge of suicidal many times. At one point I stabbed myself in my leg, tried cutting my chest and my arm, I even mixed a few percocets in my glassed filled Hennessy. Things got so bad for me to the point where everything caught up to my doings and I became homeless and had to survive in the streets. Because I had a bad reputation of mistreating women, a woman who I use to sleep with sent 3 of her cousins that just got out of jail to kill me (attempted murder). I was chased and even shot at but managed to survive.

                       I've moved out of Philly to Lindenwold, New Jersey trying to start my life over but trouble always found me. One day I remember telling God to change my life and making me the man only He wants me to be, nothing miraculous happen, except I started reading, studying the bible and also going to church. I've stop smoking, drinking, fighting, mistreating women, and hating people and never knew it. With that being said, my life did a 180 degree turn for the best, God changed my life completely. I have a home, a career, I sleep well and I'm free from alcoholism and smoking, I even received a 2nd chance in life and married again to my beautiful wife Jakerra and have a wonderful stepson Amari. I'm a published author of a book entitled "Blood on Paper & Pain", Living In My Pen/Poet and I use my story/poetry to change lives. God has been amazing and believe me when I say, if He did it for me, He can more than do it for you... May His amazing grace show you the path to righteousness, God bless!!