Before I gave my life to the Lord, and even a couple years afterward, I was in a desperate search for someone to love me the way I wanted them to. As a young girl, I was teased often and rejected by family members. I didn't love myself and that reflected in many destructive behaviors to follow, such as attempted suicide, self-harm and eventually reckless emotional attachments to boys in high school. I once believed that value came from what a person had. It could be money, possessions, etc. For me it was attention, particularly from a young man. It wasn't until I started college and got serious about my relationship with Christ that I began to realize that He was my first love and I was worth more than what I was settling for.
Does this sound familiar? Of course it does. Many of us have been or are victims of the roundabout - not feeling "wanted" or "complete" because we're not in a relationship. So we entertain ungodly relationship after ungodly relationship for the sake of satisfaction. Guys settle for the girl who "looks badd" but is not concerned about being a virtuous woman after God's own heart; Women settle for the dude who is about HIS business, HIS money and HIS own and could care less about God's will or anyone else. Is this what God wants us to hold out for? How much longer are we going to tempt ourselves and allow our hearts to get broken because we can't stand to be alone? It is better to be alone than to be in a relationship feeling lonely. The current culture makes it look impossible, but YOU CAN be young, single, saved and satisfied in the Lord.
First things first: Let me remind you that your identity is found in Christ, not a man, woman or any relationship. Because you were CREATED in the image of God, you have immeasurable value that no human being can give you. 1 John 4:10 says "This is REAL love - not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins." See, what we are looking for can only be found in God. Are you looking for love? Contentment? Fulfillment? Purpose? Then look UP! Don't look to that "random" in your classroom, at the club, in your contacts -- look to the Son of God who loved you to death, literally!
The last time I was "romantically involved" with someone was in Spring 2012. I can't even call it a relationship because I never pressured him to define the relationship - I just wanted someone to give me hugs and kisses! If you knew me that time around, you could say that I had it all: I was Senior Class President, making good grades, travelling, enjoying life with family and friends, etc. I was also a Christian teenage girl pursuing a young man who was an atheist who was totally against my faith and that caused major issues. I wanted to please God but still have control over my love life. That caused a lot of pain that stayed with me for a year after I broke ties with this guy.
We all know what 2 Corinthians 6:14 says - "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers." When you choose to settle, you risk that very command. When we do not know our identity in Christ, we will not understand our worth. Ladies, don't forfeit your crown by settling for clowns. Don't waste your time - instead, spend it with the King of your heart. Gentlemen, stop chasing skirts and start chasing Christ. He will make you into the man He needs you to be for His Kingdom and your family.
2012 was the last time I kissed someone. That year, I kissed dating goodbye and chose to remain pure for God and wait for my husband. In two years the Lord has matured me and given me so many opportunities to be the light in peoples' lives. The greatest experiences of my life while single came right after I stopped dating, such as being Miss Black Florida US Ambassador (www.thembusam.com), blogging for teen girls (http://herpathtosuccess.org/author/kiana/), getting involved in campus ministry, and my favorite: mentoring girls in elementary school. God used those experiences to reveal my purpose and sharpen me as a Christian woman, and He's not finished me yet!
If you are single, make the best of this precious time in your life: join a Bible study or fellowship group, pick up on a hobby, travel, go on a missions trip, write a book, start a business, go to school, serve in a ministry at church, do community service, go out with friends, etc. The list is endless! Let go of the past and LIVE! What God has for you is FOR YOU and when the time is right... He will reveal your spouse to you. It is not easy and there will be times where you feel like God has forgotten you, but your feelings are not a proper judge of reality. God truly knows best and you will be blessed in your waiting. You just have to trust Him.
"Promise me... not to awaken love until the time is right." - Song of Solomon 8:4
Kiana C. Rouchon
Email: firstname.lastname@example.org | IG: crazyforchristxo | Twitter: @kianarouchon